


Like Tuning a Radio

by Ukthxbye



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Doctor/Companion Friendship, F/F, Kissing, Meddling TARDIS, Post-Library River Song, Thirteenth Doctor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 06:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16258724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ukthxbye/pseuds/Ukthxbye
Summary: Sometimes everything lines up in the travels of the Doctor and she gets to see her wife again.





	Like Tuning a Radio

“Hello Sweetie,” a dark golden voice disrupted the still air around her.

  
“Ha!,” the Doctor breathed out something like a laugh that strangled in her throat as she turned her head to see River Song there only a few steps away.

  
There was no crackle of a vortex manipulator. Only silence and then her voice. _It's the projection then isn’t it,_ the Doctor thought.

  
“Hi,” she manages with a grin and a hard swallow. _Bloody hell that was not smooth,_ she thought.

  
River walked to the Doctor slowly, slinking every step in a golden dress and heels.

 

The Doctor’s breath caught in her chest as her jaw dropped. Her eyes traveled up and down the form of her wife, and stopped at those brilliant green eyes.

  
“Oh Sweetie, I do like this new look for you,” River cooed biting her the bottom corner of her lip.

  
The Doctor preened a bit, smoothing out her shirt.

  
“Oh really? Guess you did like the braces after all, ” She grinned wrinkling her nose.

  
“Well in a way when I could use them to my advantage, but no, not the clothes, sweetie,” River smirked, her hand on her hip and shaking her head.

  
Brow furrowed, The Doctor frowned at River. “Well I like them and my new friends helped me pick them out...and paid for them too.” The Doctor shrugged, turning to her console. _Looking at River too long is like looking at the sun, I’ll go blind,_ she reminded herself.

  
“Darling, you never had a great taste in clothes,” River laughed and it sounded the church bells in the Doctor’s head banging. “Well, actually your last form wasn’t too bad. But maybe it was the 24 years of influence from me,” she cocked an eyebrow, now shifting very close to the Doctor.

 

The Doctor stepped back a step, gulping again.

 

“Appears that influence has been lost,” River sighed, almost sadly and the hearts in the Doctor’s chest responded to the tone. _Well, that's the same at least_ , the Doctor thought.  

 

The Doctor shrugged again, facing River again as she tried to lean nonchalantly against the console. “Its all new to me. All the bits and…” she waved her hands around her body and laid her hands on her own chest “I know them on you but now it's on me.”

 

The Doctor turned scarlet as River giggled.

 

“Oh, my love you'll get used to it. Every one of you, even when you were male, was very different.”

 

“Its true, I guess, yeah you are right...always were,” The Doctor admitted.

 

“ ‘Were’ is such a terrible word choice,” River trembled.

 

The Doctor shuddered at the sound of her wife’s pain exposing itself. It seemed a lifetime ago but its effect remained intact. He or she, no matter the form, that cuts to the core.

 

“Are, then, well since you are here in a way but…” The Doctor started and stopped herself, risked the last bit of control, faced River and stepped right in front of her. She reached out with her hands, gently testing if they connected with something and nearly cried when they did.

 

“The TARDIS does amazing things, doesn’t she?” the Doctor half laughed, her hands stroking River’s jawline. There was a blanket sort of warmth, the best a projection could provide.

 

“It's only temporary,” River sighed in return, closing her eyes for a moment luxuriating in the sense of touch.

 

“Then let's enjoy it while we can” The Doctor reassured, closing her own eyes as she slipped her other hand pulled River’s face to her own.

 

The Doctor slanted open her eyes enough to find her target but found instead that she is too short now, at least flat-footed.

 

She threw her hands up and turned away frustrated. “Bah! I can’t even kiss you properly! I knew these legs used to be longer!”

 

She placed her hands out and leaned on the console but then looked back at River, her face not hiding any of the heartbreak and ache.

 

River’s eyes glittered as she slipped her hand down the Doctor’s cheek.

 

“Then let me kiss you,” River whispered before taking the Doctor’s lips with hers. The kiss quickly deepened with a fervor unused by both for years.

 

Poor substitute, but somehow across the universes the Doctor felt all their energies combining once again. She grabbed her wife’s waist, the dimensions so familiar and yet unexplored with new hands.

 

 _This could be real,_ the Doctor thought.

 

“Don’t risk it please, I beg you,” River pleaded her voice cracking as she broke the kiss, holding the Doctor’s gaze with trembling fingers.

 

“Honey,” The Doctor whispered, taking her wife’s hands into her own. “Stop reading my thoughts without context. I’m not going to risk one second of our time we had.”

 

Looking down at their hands, different now, nearly matching in size, the Doctor smiled through a growing lump in her throat.

 

Looking back up, steady into River’s eyes, she confessed, “ I love you too much to do that.”

 

River’s breath shuddered both in relief and emotion, “Oh sweetie. This form is much too honest and open.” She sniffed, and her lips curled into a smile that breaks the Doctor’s hearts every time.

 

“You will get hurt so much more like this,” River quietly warned, her eyes searching the Doctor’s face.

 

The Doctor rubbed her fingers on across River’s knuckles and puffed out her chest a bit.

 

“Then so be it,” she proclaimed.

 

River captured her lips once more, and then stepped back.

 

The Doctor clasped her hands tighter on River’s hands.”My love…” is all she can utter through a fractured voice as she noticed and felt the projection slipping away.

 

“ I really do love you. No matter the shape or form, sweetie. Be kind, my love. Most of all to yourself,” River beamed through her heartsick smile.

 

“River…I” the Doctor tried again to speak, reaching out her hand before she dropped it to her side.

 

“See you later, sweetie,“ River whispered through a blown kiss and in golden light her form shimmered away.

 

The air felt cold again to the Doctor, like ice in her chest. She turned, holding onto the console, gripping to white-knuckled through the pain of tears stinging in her eyes. Two tears splash on the console and the TARDIS groans in response.

 

“Maybe let’s not do that too often, ok Old girl?” The Doctor gritted through her teeth,  sucking shallow breaths.

 

Her mind’s fire cooled and she loosened her grip on the TARDIS and she breathed deeper. She stood eyes closed, head back and mouth gaped open, listening to her own heart beats slow.

 

“Hey” came from a soft voice to her left.

 

“Hey, Ryan, couldn’t sleep?” she attempted in a cheery manner, her voice cracking at the end of the question.

 

“Nah, just was up wandering ‘round a bit,” he softly answered, folding his arms.

 

The Doctor nodded and wiped her cheeks quickly with both hands as she stomped around the console.

 

“Doctor…” he began his voice questioning.

 

“It was a projection that’s all. Just...a projection, “ she huffed out.

 

Ryan frowned, “I’m sorry, Doctor.”

 

She frowned back, “Why are you sorry?”

 

He started swinging his arms a bit, “I think I saw something really personal and I know we are just starting to be friends and all. Just...yeah. I should have walked away.”

 

The Doctor shrugged, with a half smile, but then her shoulders fell.

 

“Its ok,” she said, voice heavy with resignation.

 

She started again voice stronger, “Sometimes the universe lines up just right and the TARDIS and she make a connection. And I get to see her.”

 

“Liking tuning the radio, right?” he asked

 

“Smart boy, exactly,” She half laughed.

 

A pause between words.

 

“Like a ghost?” Ryan asked gently.

 

The Doctor nodded slowly, “Kind of. It's her, I mean, well her thoughts, memories are trapped in a library, far far away and I can’t save her any more than that.”

 

She ignored the aching her chest at those words and rubbed it absently.

 

“Yeah...well a past me ignored it a lot. And it really depends on where we are in the universe if the connection can be made,” she said, randomly hitting some of the controls producing a soft whir.

 

“And I saw her because?” Ryan asked as he folded his arms again.

 

“Tardis connection, it's in your head now that you travel in it,” She answered excitedly.

 

Ryan shivered and shook his head a bit, “Yeah, it's all a bit weird still.”

 

“I know,” she reassured. “Not sure you really ever get used to it. Not that you really want to.”

 

He smiled when the Doctor looked at him again.

 

“She’s really pretty, by the way,” he grinned.

 

The Doctor blushed, “Yeah, I did get a pretty wife, didn’t I?” The word ‘wife’ rolled off her tongue so freely, much more than in the past.

 

“And obviously a great kisser,” he teased.

 

The Doctor stared absently, her smile crooked as she bit her lip, “ The very best, amongst other talents.”

 

“Ah ok might be headed to TMI with that now,” Ryan laughed.

 

The Doctor giggled a bit and checked some readings on the console.

 

Ryan stepped over and leaned against the console next to the Doctor, and folded his arms again.

 

“Doctor, I was wondering...if…” he stopped himself, closing his eyes.

 

“Your Nan isn’t in a place like the Library,” she answered his unspoken question gently.

 

He shrugged, “I know, I just wondered if the universe makes circles like the one you had tonight happen sometimes. That it gives you ghosts back.”

 

The Doctor furrowed her brow, “I don’t know. Something tells me that it could and we’ll have to accept it if it doesn’t. I cannot assure you of anything.”

 

Ryan took a deep breath through his nose and nodded.

 

“It's ok. I think. I mean, at least I know we aren’t alone, you know? That we both have that hurt, the kind you feel in your chest and just sort of sits there no matter what you do,” he mumbled.

 

The Doctor put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, holding his stare for a moment.

 

He shifted up from the console and started walking to the stairs, “I think I’ll try sleep again.”

 

The Doctor smiled softly, watching dials on the console. “Good idea. Get rest. Many more adventures ahead, and more running.”

 

“Do you ever stop running, Doctor?” he asked earnestly, head turned one last time before he was out of sight.

 

She sighed, pushing her hair back out of her face. “I have before, but why stop now?” and started working on some of the controls more furiously.

 

He shook his head as he went down the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to Mouse9 for crying over this
> 
> I did this in less than 24 hours. It wasn't a plot bunny so much as a plot freight train.
> 
> Not sure if I will write these two on the regular but I felt inspired.


End file.
